When Your Child’s Exceptionality is Emotional: Looking Beyond Psychiatric Diagnosis

When Your Child’s Exceptionality is Emotional: Looking Beyond Psychiatric Diagnosis

That is, you might not have anything wrong with you, however, if you are accused of overreacting, being intolerant, inflexible, stubborn or over-sensitive, but you are unhappy with the fact that people don't always 'get you'.  Yep, I have all those traits at some time or another (psycho-motor, sensual, emotional, imaginational, and intellectual) as well as the traits which can lead to behavioural or emotional problems (introversion, intensity, concentration - either too much or not enough, sensitivity, adaptability, and perfectionism)

Yes, I've been there: I've been through most (if not all) of those things that such children the writer is portraying have been through.  But does it necessarily have to mean that I am too emotional, or over sensitive etc.  It just simply means I am 'different', and they only become problems if I am finding it hard to fit in with people who simply don't 'get me'.

How these “Traits” Become “Problems”

Probst writes:

No trait is inherently difficult; but in combination and through interaction with elements of the environment (other people, timetables, sensory features), traits can lead to behavioural problems, including:

Difficulty with peer relations. Idealism, a heightened awareness of hypocrisy, unusual interests, and asynchronous development (when a child is mature in some areas, such as intellectual reasoning, but immature in others) can cause difficulty making and keeping friends. Unusual sensitivity can make a child vulnerable to perceived rejection; 

The very reason I am still single :P

Unable to find the deep friendships she envisions, a child may invent imaginary friends or make do with stuffed animals, pets, or characters from video games.

I used to have 'imaginary' friends when I was a kid, but my nearest and dearest friends these days are my fluffy toys (I would be in love with my pets if I did have any) :)

Like all children, gifted children do want friends and may thus be caught between two contradictory desires: the desire for affiliation (belonging, connectedness) and the desire for integrity (being true to oneself). The experience of contradiction in itself can cause stress and lead to feelings of wariness and isolation; and it can be further compounded when a child’s tempo is different from his peers’.

As it used to be in my workplace - I used to feel this way at school, but now when I look back, I think that school was quite 'cruisy' compared to my workplace (especially with how it was 10-20 years' back).  I now feel more different from my work colleagues now than my schoolmates, mainly because they are more likely to come from totally different races and backgrounds:  How many Vietnamese, Filipinos or Chinese did I go to school with back in 1976, or more recently, 1986?  Back then, I could count them on one hand, if there were any; and any people from a Non-English Speaking background I did go to school with did manage to speak English and didn't work to my exclusion.  It is improving slowly at my work, but every time I say something to the targeted person, it is like, Oh why does Colleen pick on me?

Difficulty making decisions. Gifted children, particularly if they’re divergent thinkers, may see so many sides of an issue, so many what-if’s and possible outcomes, that they become overwhelmed. Unable to manage the richness that floods their minds, unable to bear the contradictions and sense of loss about all the roads not taken, they’re unable to act.

I didn't always have that problem - of course, there are things I don't want to miss out on; but now I tell myself that there will be other times I might be able to enjoy a chocolate mousse (for instance) later on, but will have the sticky date pudding instead.  However, I've had to learn to let my head rule my heart these days, even though other people have told me to 'follow my heart'; because I've lost out on things I've missed out on because I've made the 'wrong' decision (especially when it came to career choices).

Excessive self-criticism. Perfectionism and high standards can lead to self-criticism when gifted children berate themselves for falling short of their ideal. Frustration may be coupled with resentment about high performance expectations imposed by others. Angry and aggressive reactions may be directed at themselves, at adults whom they blame, or at scapegoats like younger siblings.

It is worse when these adults (who are 'in charge') tell you you aren't 'cut out' for certain things, but the 'scapegoated' sibling (or some work colleague or job applicant who is deficient in some other way - like they can't speak English or they are less educated in a particular field) gets the job offer, or the place in the Uni or TAFE course you wanted to do.   So, please, all you people out there denying me opportunities that I feel are rightfully mine, by virtue of the fact that I have worked hard for them, instead of telling me not to 'hate' or be jealous, please tell me what is missing or what I have to do do get these opportunities (or in the words of Pauline Hanson, 'Please Explain').  

Avoidance of risk-taking. Intolerance for imperfection can cause children to avoid activities if they aren't sure they can perform to their own standard .... Fear of failure – unwillingness to take risks – can lead to feelings of unworthiness, defensiveness, and underachievement.

It is enough to make you want to stop trying because you are reluctant to step up to the plate after years of trying my hardest, but still not getting the results (and even more so when it comes so easily to other people).  Sad but true.  :(