Autistic Hoya: An Open Letter to the Educators That I Work With: Photo: Nine people, including Lydia Brown, of various gender presentations, races, and dis/abilities statuses sitting on a carpeted...
As someone who experiences multiple medical conditions*, including Aspergers, this article really *resonates* with me. Why, you might ask?
Autistic Hoya (the nickname/'handle' of this author) shows a double standard between teachers and students - a teacher who shows certain 'behaviours' and microagressions because they are in a bad mood, had a bad day, didn't have enough sleep the previous night and so forth, condemns these *same* behaviours in their pupils. A case of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't you say? Well, certainly I would.
However, the same double standards also exist in the parent-child relationship: a father can get angry at the drop of a hat at his son, because he had a bad day at the office, and yet get annoyed when the son exhibits the same behaviours? Or a mother gets annoyed with her grumpy daughter because it is her 'time of the month' (never mind that the daughter could be going through the same thing herself at the same point in time)?
The article also reminded me of a time when I came in to work one night (as I work night shift) and a (male) work colleague asked me how I was. I said, 'Errrr, okay' (as in, not real great but not real bad either - just in a 'neutral' mood).
However, his response was, 'You should be good....' (as in feeling *super-duper happy* good).
Seriously? Is being 'okay' not good enough? As if all the energy I could muster up - to get myself out of bed, dressed and ready for work for what may well be a long night (well, at least for me anyway) and I've only just come in and trying to 'act natural' - is 'not good enough'?
Or, I want to say, 'No, I feel like crap' but am not sure what reaction that would provoke, whether he would get cranky back, ridicule me, avoid me for the rest of the night etc etc? Saying 'I'm okay' is usually the response I make when I want to spare someone else's feelings, not really wanting to have to explain myself for not being in a 'great mood', or avoiding a potential arguement when I am tired.
On the other hand, I might be in a good mood (or a 'silly one') and sometimes, that makes me want to talk and laugh all night (often at the cost of getting my work done). The consequence of being 'sociable' is that I get told off because I don't get as much done as I should. So, in this instance, it is better just to be 'neutral', to blend in, not make too much noise and 'get on with it' (go through the motions). I am sometimes even afraid to be happy just in case someone tries to 'ruin my high' (as in an emotional high, not a drug-induced one) because they get annoyed or distracted (or whatever other reasons they might have for being annoyed with me).
But thankfully, he was honest in his answer as to why I 'should be good': 'It's great seeing other people stuff up around me', and I appreciated his honesty - one one hand, it sounded 'sadistic' (that he was happy that other people weren't), but on the other, he didn't care what other people thought (or at least sounded like he didn't); and I could also understand how he felt, because it goes to show that the grass is not always 'greener' on the other side (and everyone has their 'own cross to bear').
So, because of these reasons, I am *happy* to be 'just okay - I have just enough energy to get by in what is a hostile world and feel like I've achieved something when I've gotten through my day (or night) without any dramas. And for me, that's good enough, even if it isn't for other people.
cheers,
Night Owl
As someone who experiences multiple medical conditions*, including Aspergers, this article really *resonates* with me. Why, you might ask?
Autistic Hoya (the nickname/'handle' of this author) shows a double standard between teachers and students - a teacher who shows certain 'behaviours' and microagressions because they are in a bad mood, had a bad day, didn't have enough sleep the previous night and so forth, condemns these *same* behaviours in their pupils. A case of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't you say? Well, certainly I would.
However, the same double standards also exist in the parent-child relationship: a father can get angry at the drop of a hat at his son, because he had a bad day at the office, and yet get annoyed when the son exhibits the same behaviours? Or a mother gets annoyed with her grumpy daughter because it is her 'time of the month' (never mind that the daughter could be going through the same thing herself at the same point in time)?
The article also reminded me of a time when I came in to work one night (as I work night shift) and a (male) work colleague asked me how I was. I said, 'Errrr, okay' (as in, not real great but not real bad either - just in a 'neutral' mood).
However, his response was, 'You should be good....' (as in feeling *super-duper happy* good).
Seriously? Is being 'okay' not good enough? As if all the energy I could muster up - to get myself out of bed, dressed and ready for work for what may well be a long night (well, at least for me anyway) and I've only just come in and trying to 'act natural' - is 'not good enough'?
Or, I want to say, 'No, I feel like crap' but am not sure what reaction that would provoke, whether he would get cranky back, ridicule me, avoid me for the rest of the night etc etc? Saying 'I'm okay' is usually the response I make when I want to spare someone else's feelings, not really wanting to have to explain myself for not being in a 'great mood', or avoiding a potential arguement when I am tired.
On the other hand, I might be in a good mood (or a 'silly one') and sometimes, that makes me want to talk and laugh all night (often at the cost of getting my work done). The consequence of being 'sociable' is that I get told off because I don't get as much done as I should. So, in this instance, it is better just to be 'neutral', to blend in, not make too much noise and 'get on with it' (go through the motions). I am sometimes even afraid to be happy just in case someone tries to 'ruin my high' (as in an emotional high, not a drug-induced one) because they get annoyed or distracted (or whatever other reasons they might have for being annoyed with me).
But thankfully, he was honest in his answer as to why I 'should be good': 'It's great seeing other people stuff up around me', and I appreciated his honesty - one one hand, it sounded 'sadistic' (that he was happy that other people weren't), but on the other, he didn't care what other people thought (or at least sounded like he didn't); and I could also understand how he felt, because it goes to show that the grass is not always 'greener' on the other side (and everyone has their 'own cross to bear').
So, because of these reasons, I am *happy* to be 'just okay - I have just enough energy to get by in what is a hostile world and feel like I've achieved something when I've gotten through my day (or night) without any dramas. And for me, that's good enough, even if it isn't for other people.
cheers,
Night Owl
Comments
Post a Comment
What is your own take on this situation? How do you rise above the rot?