This is a very interesting article on domestic abuse and/or violence against women, and shows the female victims holding up cards quoting exuses they heard for the abuse they recieved from their 'lovers' (or whoever else it was that abused them).
Some of them are quite common place, like 'noone will believe you' to ridicolous ones like, 'Everyone will make fun of my kindergarten girlfriend'.
So, here is the list of excuses and then my responses*:
Excuse no 1: 'I'll go after your family - your kids, your mum, your brother, his wife, their kid; fuck it - I will start with your kids'
My answer: well, don't let me stop you - then I won't be the only one to see what I have to put up with from you.
Excuse no 2: 'Because you were defending yourself and I didn't think you have the right to be'
My answer - well, you are in for a rude shock if you think you are the only one with 'rights'.
Excuse no 3: 'I'm sorry. I'll change'
My answer: I'll believe it when I see it
Excuse no 4: 'What do you want? An apology? No, you deserve worse. You should be grateful I love you so much'
My answer: Really? Well, maybe you should be grateful to have someone who loves you enough to put up with it - anyone else would have walked out, so I must be a wuss to put up with you.
Excuse no 5: No-one will believe you - you have no proof; I never left a mark.
My answer: What can I say? People will believe what they want, but they will believe me if they see this.
Excuse no 6: They will make fun of me for my kindergarten girlfriend
My answer: well, what are you doing with an 'underage' girl like me in the first place? I thought you were the adult, not me. Or better still - No, they will make fun of you for being a pedophile (which in this case, technically, he was because he was above the 'age of consent' and she was below);
Excuse no 7: I love you, I love you so much....
My answer: You sure as Hell have a funny way of showing it
Excuse no 8: You are an infertile bitch
My answer: Really? Shall I go back to my kennel now or later? (Or) Do you want me to remember that when I'm 80? (Or even better) Where is it written that I have to be a fertile one?
Excuse no 9: When I hit you, I tried to hit hard cuz I was so mad but I couldn't cuz I love you
My answer: (Very sarcastically) Oh, that's very nice of you, isn't it? (Or) I could have hit you back but I didn't cuz I love you.
Excuse no 10: I love it when you cry.... It makes you look like the cheap whore you really are
My answer: Well, it might cost you in future, so don't touch what you can't afford. From now on, I will be charging you for the entertainment I am providing for you - so now let's see what you can really afford?
Anyway, I found this from a post made on someone's Google profile - the interesting part is the person is a male, on the other side of the word but said he sympathised with females. When I clicked on the link, it took me to Buzzfeed and it was for a project called 'Project Unbreakable'. The purpose was to get it all out into the open. It is available not only on Buzzfeed, but also as an official site, a Facebook page, a Tumblr blog, and YouTube channel.
*DISCLAIMER (for all survivors of abuse): This article (and article review) is meant for therapeutic purposes only, as a way to challenge those ploys that your abusers have used against you, the things people have said in their defence and the negative 'self talk' that may result (often many years' later, after the actual problem has subsided). Of course, you can make a comeback if you need to and have the assertiveness, the skills and strength to do so - while most of the time being assertive may work and the abuser backs off, you also have to be aware that your abuser doesn't always have the same 'mindset' you do, and you have to be prepared for a reaction from them. Secondly, the project is for both male and female survivors of sexual, domestic, dating, physical and psychological abuse (though I mentioned women as victims or survivors, it doesn't mean that men didn't go through it either, it simply means that most of them are female). And vice versa for the abusers - not all of them are male on female, and in fact, victims might be reluctant to come forward against same sex abusers, or males if the abusers are female, and this may skew the statistics on crime and victimisation in terms of gender. I can go into the reasons behind this, but I will leave this for another 'installment'.
cheers,
Night Owl
*DISCLAIMER (for all survivors of abuse): This article (and article review) is meant for therapeutic purposes only, as a way to challenge those ploys that your abusers have used against you, the things people have said in their defence and the negative 'self talk' that may result (often many years' later, after the actual problem has subsided). Of course, you can make a comeback if you need to and have the assertiveness, the skills and strength to do so - while most of the time being assertive may work and the abuser backs off, you also have to be aware that your abuser doesn't always have the same 'mindset' you do, and you have to be prepared for a reaction from them. Secondly, the project is for both male and female survivors of sexual, domestic, dating, physical and psychological abuse (though I mentioned women as victims or survivors, it doesn't mean that men didn't go through it either, it simply means that most of them are female). And vice versa for the abusers - not all of them are male on female, and in fact, victims might be reluctant to come forward against same sex abusers, or males if the abusers are female, and this may skew the statistics on crime and victimisation in terms of gender. I can go into the reasons behind this, but I will leave this for another 'installment'.
cheers,
Night Owl
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What is your own take on this situation? How do you rise above the rot?