Evelyn M Field: Bully Busting - How to help children deal with teasing and bullying' ((C) 1999 Evelyn M Field, ISBN no 1-876451-04-1; RRP $19.95 AUD)
There are plenty of books out there that are intended to help children (and their parents) deal with the issue of bullying and teasing. But few of them are as witty as this title by Evelyn Field, a school psychologist who has alot of experience in helping children deal with the issues they face on a daily basis, especially at school.
Chapters 1 to 6 (Part 1: Understanding Bullying, pages 1 to 64) outline the 'facts' about bullying: the types of bullying, why people (especially children) bully, why targets get bullied, what long-term consequences (and effects) bullying has, and how can a target change their attitude (through CBT and rational-emotive therapy).
And bullying doesn't just mean physical bullying and name calling either: as children get older, there are more subtle and covert ways of making others feel they don't matter: snide remarks, questions about one's personal life, and excluding and ignoring another person can all be regarded as bullying.
Chapters 7 to 12 (Part 2: The six secrets of Bullybusting, pages 87 to 225) outline useful strategies for targets of bullying: Dealing with your feelings, developing your confidence, understanding why you might get bullied, building your self esteem, learning to communicate well (and confidently), increasing your own personal 'power' and developing support networks.
This is the part I really like. While most people will say 'oh, just ignore them', or 'tell the teacher', these kinds of advice don't always apply to every person or situation. More often than not, ignoring the bully doesn't mean that he or she will necessarily go away (and they may well be all the more determined to get a rise out of you). And sometimes, reporting the problem may also excerbate the situation, because not many people like to be 'dobbed on'.
I especially love the different 'comebacks' listed in the book. For instance, if someone told you you stank, you could say anything from: 'Thanks for the feedback' through to 'Say that again, and I will take my socks of and you can enjoy them' (page 206 - one of my favourite 'responses' in this book). Another favourite comeback is on page 207 to someone asking 'Do you shave your pussy?': No, I don't have a cat because they give me hayfever'.
Other times, non-verbal responses do the trick. One time when someone asked me 'what's that smell?' at work (during an argument we had with each other over that person changing the radio station without bothering to ask), I told them that it was my sweat from 'working hard'. They still went on and on about it, so I lifted up one of my arms and tried to make them smell one of my armpits. This person started to run away, and told me I was 'so rude'. So my response to them was, 'Well, if it offends you so much, I suggest you don't stand near me'. Mind you, this individual didn't speak to me much after that, but that suited me fine anyway (I didn't want to talk to them and their cronies either).
But, enough about me and my anecdotes, there is another chapter (13) called 'Guidelines for Parents' (pages 237 to 255). This chapter teaches parents to deal with the issue: how they might have been brought up to deal with at when they were younger, how they can change, how to be positive role models for children and how they can teach children to deal with bullying more effectively.
I thoroughly recommend this book, especially to children and their families, and for those planning to have kids; but even for people who don't live with their families this book can be useful (even just reading some of the strategies that Ms Field suggests in this book was enough to put a smile on my face and lift my spirits).
I give it a 5 out of 5.
cheers,
Night Owl
There are plenty of books out there that are intended to help children (and their parents) deal with the issue of bullying and teasing. But few of them are as witty as this title by Evelyn Field, a school psychologist who has alot of experience in helping children deal with the issues they face on a daily basis, especially at school.
Chapters 1 to 6 (Part 1: Understanding Bullying, pages 1 to 64) outline the 'facts' about bullying: the types of bullying, why people (especially children) bully, why targets get bullied, what long-term consequences (and effects) bullying has, and how can a target change their attitude (through CBT and rational-emotive therapy).
And bullying doesn't just mean physical bullying and name calling either: as children get older, there are more subtle and covert ways of making others feel they don't matter: snide remarks, questions about one's personal life, and excluding and ignoring another person can all be regarded as bullying.
Chapters 7 to 12 (Part 2: The six secrets of Bullybusting, pages 87 to 225) outline useful strategies for targets of bullying: Dealing with your feelings, developing your confidence, understanding why you might get bullied, building your self esteem, learning to communicate well (and confidently), increasing your own personal 'power' and developing support networks.
This is the part I really like. While most people will say 'oh, just ignore them', or 'tell the teacher', these kinds of advice don't always apply to every person or situation. More often than not, ignoring the bully doesn't mean that he or she will necessarily go away (and they may well be all the more determined to get a rise out of you). And sometimes, reporting the problem may also excerbate the situation, because not many people like to be 'dobbed on'.
I especially love the different 'comebacks' listed in the book. For instance, if someone told you you stank, you could say anything from: 'Thanks for the feedback' through to 'Say that again, and I will take my socks of and you can enjoy them' (page 206 - one of my favourite 'responses' in this book). Another favourite comeback is on page 207 to someone asking 'Do you shave your pussy?': No, I don't have a cat because they give me hayfever'.
Other times, non-verbal responses do the trick. One time when someone asked me 'what's that smell?' at work (during an argument we had with each other over that person changing the radio station without bothering to ask), I told them that it was my sweat from 'working hard'. They still went on and on about it, so I lifted up one of my arms and tried to make them smell one of my armpits. This person started to run away, and told me I was 'so rude'. So my response to them was, 'Well, if it offends you so much, I suggest you don't stand near me'. Mind you, this individual didn't speak to me much after that, but that suited me fine anyway (I didn't want to talk to them and their cronies either).
But, enough about me and my anecdotes, there is another chapter (13) called 'Guidelines for Parents' (pages 237 to 255). This chapter teaches parents to deal with the issue: how they might have been brought up to deal with at when they were younger, how they can change, how to be positive role models for children and how they can teach children to deal with bullying more effectively.
I thoroughly recommend this book, especially to children and their families, and for those planning to have kids; but even for people who don't live with their families this book can be useful (even just reading some of the strategies that Ms Field suggests in this book was enough to put a smile on my face and lift my spirits).
I give it a 5 out of 5.
cheers,
Night Owl
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What is your own take on this situation? How do you rise above the rot?